So, I’ve seen all these movies before, but I thought with the final installment of the Indiana Jones series about to come out I should revisit them.

I’m watching them in canonical chronological order, which starts with Temple Of Doom. I’m not watching the Young Indy series, at least not for now.

So, Temple of Doom, huh?

Doom is still far and away my least favorite in the series. But, I braved it for you dearest reader.

I’m not here to talk about the depiction of Indian people in the film, nor am I here to discuss how wonderful it is seeing Harrison Ford and Ke Huy Quan reunited at various events lately, and not in the least am I doing to touch Kate Capshaw’s performance. What I am here to talk about is how jacked Harrison Ford is.

Harrison for famously got an injury half way through shooting and then when he was doing physical therapy said “Screw it I’m going to get ripped,” and he did. I love this as a canonical choice that the first time we see Indiana he’s absolutely shredded and then by the time we get to even Last Crusade he’s just a mildly in shape professor.

Anyhow, go google Harrison from the movie, you’ll thank me.

So, what happens in Temple Of Doom? No one really knows as it just seems like a bunch of random events strung together.

So, basically there’s this guy, named Indiana Jones and he’s an archeologist of sorts, but mostly he’s just out here looking at crypto-archeological items, (crypto as in fabled not as in annoying tech bro.)

So he’s doing that and then bumps into this lady, Willie, and with his young sidekick, Shortround, they get chased around and then end up in India. Once in India the group decides to help this village they ended up at, as their sacred stone and children have been taken from them recently and there has been famine and draught ever since.

Our heroes go to investigate and over the course of the investigation they stumble upon a cult that is trying to destroy all other religions and take over the world, starting by removing the British from India, which is not a bad start at all in my opinion.

The gang kicks the cults ass after barely doing so and then the British show up at the end and mercy a bunch of Indian people which is a bad look but historically pretty accurate.

Then they give the stone back and everything is fine at the end.

So, why don’t I like this movie? It’s scary, the cult stuff is freaky and scared me as a kid and I don’t like it. I also think it reinforces some negative stereotypes about kids getting scared at a movie. No, I think it reinforces negative stereotypes about Indian people and other Asian countries as a whole.

Also, I lied at the beginning, Kate Capshaw in this film is an embarrassment. She performs the role well, but the role, or how it was directed is just embarrassing. It was criticized for being sexist even at the time, and we’re talking 1980’s money, so it has aged like milk. The whole time I couldn’t help but think, ‘what if it was Carrie Fisher instead?’ Every line that feels pathetic and rude to women would turn into a knowing and sly joke. I understand why they made the decision to have Capshaw play it that way, I just don’t like it.

I used to find Short Round annoying as all get out and not I find the performance charming and sweet. Which, for me, is growth.

Would I watch this movie again? Probably not as I have better things to do.

The runtime is 118 minutes.